Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
