please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
