everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
