just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
