That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
