hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
