We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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