she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
