Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
