I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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