got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
