Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
