I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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