he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
