I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
