I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
