Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
