Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
