Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
