just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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