I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
