Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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