I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
