...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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