AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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