I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
