So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
