did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
