you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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