There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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