I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
