i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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