If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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