not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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