she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
