shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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