Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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