Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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