shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
