i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
