chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
