that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
