I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she told me i tasted like america
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
