Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
