He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
