I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
