we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
