i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
