so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
