You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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