I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
