i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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