Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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