Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
