I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
