It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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