big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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