Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
