Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
